Throughout my disciplined areas in life, I’ve come to learn that we quickly make and break associations with people based on the direction in life we take. This can work both positively and negatively.
Frankly, this was a difficult lesson that I have had to learn repeatedly while making positive changes for myself. This can apply to so many areas of life, but we often delude ourselves into thinking we can keep old associations in tact and still change as people.
Note: While I am not suggesting to go and cut ties with every person you have ever known, I am encouraging you to take an “inventory” of people in your life. During the transitory periods of our lives, those choices are absolutely crucial to our success–or our imminent failure.
Why is it important to distance from people who do not share our new lifestyle or belief?
1. People who are not making positive changes for themselves will often resent YOUR positive changes, and may even unconsciously try to pull you back into your “old” self.
This is why weight-loss buddies and spiritual groups are essential for the survival of the “new” self, at least in the beginning. We need people who are going to cheer us on through the tough times, support us when we most want to fail, and who can remind us that we are doing the right thing.
How many times have you heard snide comments from people who aren’t diligently working to improve their lives? They’ll say something like… “Oh, that’s right, you don’t eat ______.” OR “Too bad you don’t get to sleep in on Sunday.”
These comments can make us feel very excluded, and to avoid feeling like the oddball, we sacrifice the very things that will improve us.
2. The attitudes of others reflect the attitudes we have of ourselves.
If you are finding yourself surrounded by negative, whiney people all the time, why do you think it’s difficult for you to remain positive in your personal goals? If you think that you will miss these people, try going without speaking to them for a month and see how much lighter you feel… and notice that the scale is affected. Notice also how your attitudes toward yourself improve over time when more positive people are introduced.
A few months ago, I finally dealt with the “baggage” of several very negative people who were in my life. I actually lost several pounds after lightening my emotional load without changing a thing.
The baggage we carry around from the past weighs us down. Deal with the negative influences in your life and start introducing positive things that uplift you and lighten you.
3. We cannot live two lives. We cannot be two separate people.
Those who try to keep the same friends with similar destructive habits will eventually fall victim again to those very vicious cycles that we are trying to discard. Many people who want to be thin don’t actually want to make the necessary changes; they unconsciously want to retain all of their bad habits. Many people seeking “spiritual growth” often do not really want to change; they just want to feel better about their bad habits and be a victim.
You cannot have your cake and eat it, too. (Really, the phrase should be: you cannot eat your cake and have it, too.)
There are unfortunate side-effects that occur when we make positive changes for ourselves. Some people will have the understanding and wisdom that, while the side effects may be painful initially, they are better for us in the long-run. Others will try to cling to the old life, constantly having one foot in and one foot out.
The “friends” who were negative about my weight-loss and marathon running were surprisingly not that difficult to let go of once I realized their negative influence. Soon, new, healthier, and more positive people came into my life who were congruent with the style of life that I wanted to lead.
Choose your friends wisely and consciously during your period of change. This does not mean you have to cut everyone out immediately. Some of them will come back into your life, and some of them won’t. This is a necessary sacrifice you must make if you want lasting change.
4. There will always be a “delicious distraction.” ALWAYS.
What is a delicious distraction?
This is a favorite phrase of my Teacher, and one that has become useful to me in spotting things that are merely tools to pull me off of my Path. Now, he means this in the Spiritual sense, but I’m sure the rest of you can make the connection with weight-loss. A delicious distraction can come in the form of a nice new job that will pull us away from spending time with loved ones, or it can simply be an invitation to go to a huge outdoor bar-b-que instead of doing your long run for the day.
We must discipline ourselves to say no to things that might be tempting and otherwise look wonderful, but that we know will eventually cause harm to us.
5. Making choices means MAKING choices.
When you signed up to lose weight or get involved in spirituality, perhaps you didn’t understand that this choice would lead to other difficult choices. Sometimes the choices aren’t always clear, but most of the time people know what is and isn’t best for them. There is an opportunity in each and every thing we do to be great or to be mediocre. Do you choose greatness on a consistent basis, or do you choose mediocrity? Do you make excuses for yourself, or are you consistently making choices that are congruent with the things you are trying to achieve?
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